I’m sorry,

I can’t do it anymore; the pretending to like you needs to stop,

I’m too paranoid about the situation, my mind has got into that state, I think we need to stop;

Stop seeing each other in the way we are currently, and maybe even stop being mates.   

If you wonder why, after all this time, it’s come to this, it’s because I thought I could trust someone close to us and it turns out I couldn’t.

In my mind, I was being told that you were always too close for my liking and don’t blame anyone for this, because it still would’ve ended sometime.

 All those plans of us getting married and having children were lovely, but we both knew in our hearts it would never last that long, but we usually didn’t listen as we thought we were so in love with each other.

 Before you think I didn’t plan it this way; that I have only thought of this now, well I haven’t.

In fact, I thought of this one month ago, because I was feeling down and I didn’t want to be with you anymore but thanks to my mate’s pep talk, they convinced me to stay with you as I was devotedly in love with you.

 Valentines day came and went for me, that bracelet you got me was stunning and later that night I cried because I thought you had put so much money into it and love when all this time you had no idea I didn’t feel the same way about you.

It would’ve been 5 months today but because of my so called ’best friend’ it’s nothing.

 The paranoia came when I was out once with my other mate, she asked me if I had noticed her flirting with you and ever since then I have been watching and listening to everything she says and does when she is around you.

 Now, 3 weeks on and she is still all over you, even when I tell her to back off. She calls you without me knowing, tells you all my secrets and even hugs you.

 Which after some time, I have come to a conclusion that  the way I see it, with her near you I don’t want to be with you as my mind keeps telling myself that one day you will react in the way she wants and go behind my back.

 Then you won’t be able to get her out of your head, I know it happens like that because I have a confession;

 When we started going out, I went behind your back and cheated with your mate. After a month though it stopped as I realised it was unfair. But that was way back now, so you should look towards the future and do what you want in your life, just, do it without me. 

So go to her and tell her that I surrender, that she won you over because I gave up fighting for something that is not now mine.

Remind her of the way she got you everyday, maybe one day she might give you up and we could be friends again.

But for now, goodbye.

X