Word of the day: Voluptuous

Dear Diary,

The word ‘cankles’ is not in the 1986 edition of The Shorter Oxford English Dictionary.
But the strained sides of the adjacent pumps in the carriage would disagree with this editorial decision. Urbandictionary.com reigns.

Looks like a bit of deep vein thrombosis.

“DEAR LORD is there a doctor on board?”
I have never heard a cry such as this. As the train’s cradle rocks its slightly risky bulk, in lull state I question whether this outcry really occurs. It sounds almost as if a poor Jimmy has got stuck down a well. The early afternoon 80’s TV dramas: all hair untamed, shoulder pads and demonic faux pas nails.

But it does fits with this insidious décor. Speckled floor like vomit…modern design?
Or is that the real deal?

Night after night, pungent remains seep into crusty seat covers. An exotic mix of 10 for 5 cans of supermarket lager, bodily fluids in their many forms, post pub kebabs and finally, the early morning apprentice breakfasts of red bull and Doritos. I keep looking down.

The rule is that the more people situated in a train carriage, the less likely people will communicate. The word cank means to chatter or cackle as geese. These female specimens are particularly canky. They defy the rule.

It’s all in my head: The traveller’s delirious humdrum.

Tips for Train Trips

1. Pick a fellow passenger and start an intense series of staring contests with them, even if you keep on winning.
2. Cough back harder.
3. When the familiar ding begins the muffled announcement, move toward it. Press your forehead against the grated speaker leaving its love bite and shout your unrequited lust “only for you Mr Trainman! YOU”.
Follow with crying at the rejection of silence.